Archive for February, 2005

You’re Mistake’s Are Drivving Me Crazy

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005

While walking to the D train the other day, I noticed that the McDonald’s on the north side of East Fordham Road was closed for renovations. The sign in its window mentioned that the restaurant would reopen later this year and it would have a new, expanded “dinning room.” A dinning room? Hmm, I guess while I’m dining on a Big Mac, I’ll be continuously besieged by loud noises. After all, that is what the sign promises.

While I’m chowing down, I can look out the window and across the street. Maybe I’ll see a sign advertising “We have CD’s and Video’s for sale” in one of the multiple electronics stores. But here is where my bewilderment comes in to play. What items belonging to CD and Video are for sale? CD’s liner notes? Video’s plastic case? Considering both words are in the possessive form with ’s, something must belong to them.

East Fordham Road isn’t the only place plagued by such errors. The absence of dictionary, spell check and grammar check usage is everywhere. (more…)

Time to Toss the Pop-Tarts

Wednesday, February 16th, 2005

When something loses flavor, we usually throw it out. If it sticks around too long, the bugs will still come around to consume them.

Well, it seems we forgot to toss out three of them – Christina “The Burnt Pop Tart” Aguilera, Jessica “The Stale Pop Tart” Simpson and Britney “The Expired Pop Tart” Spears.

Even though they lost their “flavor” – the little musical talent they did have – years ago, they’ve stuck around. Flip through the latest Glamour or Cosmo, or even television, you’re bound to see at least one, if not all three of them, still in the spotlight – burnt, stale and expired, yet the ants keep marching one by one to relish in their tastelessness.

I think they have come to terms that they’ll probably never be as musically popular as they once were. However, unlike good musicians, who know when to bow out after their 15 minutes of fame is up, they just keep coming back. It’s like food you’ve left in the cupboard too long – it starts to grow stuff on it, and might even multiply. Yuck. (more…)

The Heart Will Go On – But Not the 90s

Wednesday, February 9th, 2005

When a loved one dies, it’s natural to grieve and to with the person would come alive again to begin where you left off before the death. Even though, deep in our hearts, we know it’s best to let them settle in and get comfortable with their new afterlife.

However, there has been an influx of people digging up a certain fresh grave. The poor soul has only been dead for five years, but they keep shoveling up the dirt and disturbing his rest. It’s a horrifying story – really, it is. I’m sure you’ve heard about it. Oh, you say you haven’t? Just turn on your television. You’re bound to see him. His name is The Nineties. (more…)

Can You Hear Me Now?

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005

Hey, Ceaseless Chatterbox. Yes, you, the incessant cell phone user. Get off your Motorola, Samsung, Nextel or whatever the heck you use and read this column. Don’t worry… your friend will still be there after you finish reading. People don’t disappear into an infinite oblivion if you don’t call them right back. I promise. Now press the little red button until the screen goes blank. I know, it’s painful, but you’ll get over it. (more…)