Archive for the ‘Dorkiness’ Category

Under The Sea

Thursday, May 29th, 2008

Well, even though my creative energy has been zapped, I was able to muster a slight recharge this past weekend so Lex and I could construct a five-foot replica of an R-36 Redbird for the Coney Island Mermaid Parade. Yes, us crazy cats are going to march in the parade carrying the replica, which has been decorated in marine life, to commemorate all the reefed subway cars. They are now now part of the underwater ecosystem!

Took us about two days to go about doing so, and involved a lot of cardboad, paint and posterboard. But it looks great, even though we took some creative liberties with it. We’re sure to get yelled at by some foamers. We’re not going to publish photos until after the parade, so come see us or even march with us.

Other than that, life’s been good. Not much has been going on, except for work.  Haven’t traveled since Atlanta, but tried to relive the experience by ordering grits at the deli near my office. New York grits ? Atlanta grits. I highly suggest you stay away. Even McDonald’s has been trying to bring Southern cooking up here, but their attempts to copy Chick-Fil-A = ultimate fail (in fact, a Tulsa Chick-Fil-A was letting people trade half-eaten McDonald’s chicken sandwiches for the real thing). They were giving away their chicken sandwiches for free a few weeks ago. I had one for lunch, but it was bland and slimy. Ugh. But I did discover that a Chick-Fil-A does exist in New York City, at NYU’s student center. I have to see if I can sneak in one day – my co-workers and I are on a mission. Yes, I work with a bunch of Chick-Fil-A addicts. If you’ve never been to one, go – your life will never be the same.

Did go to my annual work Mets game the other day. Boxed seats, sushi, Cracker Jacks – who could ask for more? Had to leave before I saw my name on the Jumbotron, but we always get pictures later. Weird that it’s probably the last time I’ll ever be in Shea Stadium. Chicago is also in less than two months, so that should be exciting. I’ve never been to the Midwest before, unless the boondocks of Western Pennsylvania count.

Nothing much else to report, but I suppose a recent scorecord is in order. Presenting Amanda vs. The World, Part IV: (more…)

Thanksgiving and More

Sunday, November 25th, 2007

It’s been quite a busy Thanksgiving Day weekend. On Thursday, the whole famn damily came over for dinner – there were about 20 of us in my small house – and pigged out on the usual Thanksgiving fare: eight-cheese platter with salami and pepperoni, spinach dip in pumpernickel, herring and sour cream on Wasa crispbread, turkey, orange/cranberry compote, green bean casserole, peas/bacon/mushrooms/pearl onions, stuffed mushrooms, mashed turnips, sweet potatoes with marshmallows, stuffed artichokes, celery salad, feta salad, pound cake, berry/apple/chocolate/sweet potato/pumpkin pies, three cheesecakes, sugar cookies, a fruit basket and chocolate. Oh, and shots of DiSorrano. My stomach hurts just writing all of this.

I thought Friday would be spent in recovery mode (more…)

Seek And Ye Shall Find (10/07)

Thursday, November 1st, 2007

Interesting searches that led to my website in October:

  1. nude pictures of m monro – Hey, stop looking for photos of my husband au natural. I burned the pictures as soon as I discovered we were married!
  2. steve perry s back on the road 7 years after journey s end – If he is, it’s probably just a rumor. Unless you count going to the grocery stores and baseball games as “on the road.”
  3. amanda thumbs – I have two. They’re quite nice.
  4. alison monro images – Hmm, she must be my sister-in-law. She heads the band Monro and is apparently a Scientologist.
  5. papercut earwig – Is that one way to kill them?
  6. gaydars in new york – I live in New York and have a pretty good gaydar.
  7. hello – Why, hello to you too.
  8. pic of people cramming for mid-terms – I bet this was someone from The Ram looking for a last-minute front page photo. Some things never change.
  9. fluid draining out of ear on pillow – Yuck. Perhaps you should see a doctor.
  10. eileen monro – not only do I have another sister-in-law, but both of them have the same names as my college roommates!
  11. positives of flesh eating disease – Umm…
  12. yuppification yoga – The next strech is called the Tall Grande Venti.
  13. robert moses field 5 nude beach photos – Are you even allowed to have cameras there? Not like there’s much to see. Mostly fat, sunburned Fire Islanders.
  14. bob barker pump you good – I guess this gives new meaning to, “Come on down!”

And this month, there were were about 17 different queries, totalling over 50 hits, for nude pictures of Annaliese Van Der Pol. For the last time, I don’t have any! Gosh.

I’m Married!

Friday, October 5th, 2007

No, Lexcie and I have not tied the knot. It seems, however, that I have wed the man I’ve been receiving spam mail for since 2000.

Seven years ago, my AOL inbox began to fill with e-mails for Miguel Monro. Although the spam filter is pretty decent, many Miguel-intended correspondance eluded the filter. Miguel Monro, get a sample of Viagra on us! Miguel Monro, mortgage rates have fallen in your state! Would you like a free stress test, Miguel Monro?

Then in 2005, the e-mails stopped as quickly as they came. I said a silent prayer for the mysterious Miguel Monro, who ascended into the cyberspace heavens. Or at least until 2007.

Earlier this year, the spam mail started again, but this time, my phantom buddy went by a nickname – Mi Monro. Refinance your home, Mi Monro! Mi Monro, does your dog suffer from arthritis? Save 20 percent on the hottest new gadgets, Mi Monro. Oh, and don’t forget your free Gevalia coffee, Mi Monro!

Today was the kicker. Two spams converged into one e-mail – and I am now known to spammers as Amanda Monro. Hey, at least my initials haven’t changed.

I thought I should at least Google my new husband. Turns out he’s a filmmaker who presented his work at the Taiwan International Documentary Festival in 2004. The film was called 1-0 War Chronicle, in which Miguel, along with Pascal Convert, Fabien Beziat and Yohann Costedoat-Descouzeres, scrutinized the period around the Iraq war through images collected from public media.

One day he’s going to Google himself and find this creepy post. Ha!

Seek And Ye Shall Find (09/07)

Sunday, September 30th, 2007

Here are some of the more interesting Google search terms people used to stumble upon my website for the month of September:

  1. when the moment comes take the first one from the right – Apparently, I was not the only person to get this Chinese fortune cookie. At least five others have, as well. I feel so gypped.
  2. when the moment comes take the last one from the left – But wait a second, isn’t the last one from the left the first one from the right?
  3. why is the neulasta injection so expensive? – Beats me, but medication prices piss me off too.
  4. what happens when someone gets gangrene? – I may have to Google that myself, but if you’re interested in what gangrene looks like, go here (warning – not for weak stomachs).
  5. charley horse in upper left arm – That’s possible? I thought it only happened in your leg.
  6. nicolock sucks – Thanks for the warning.
  7. subway doo wop time – If anyone asks you for the time on the A train, here’s your answer.
  8. garage sale one day or two day – Spare yourself and donate to charity.

Well, that’s really it for the month. There are still people searching for naked pictures of Anneliese Van Der Pol, the “Barefoot Contessa” theme song and why Journey fired their last lead singer. Someone also searched about indecent activites on a Metro-North train, but that’s best left off my Rated PG site. I bet it was a foamer.

Pop-Up Attack

Thursday, September 20th, 2007

I can’t decide what’s more annoying: Adobe, which has been incessently sending dialog boxes to my desktop to remind me to update my Shockwave Player, or Lexcie, the human pop-up, reminding me when I need to do things. See, my day goes like this:

Adobe (6:30 a.m.): You have new updates ready to download.
Me (6:31 a.m.): <clicks “Remind Me Later”>
Adobe (7:13 p.m.): You have new updates ready to download.
Me (7:14 p.m.): <clicks “Remind Me Later”>
Adobe (7:15 p.m.): You have new updates ready to download.
Me (7:16 p.m.): <clicks “Remind Me Later”>
Computer (7:16 p.m.): <freezes>


Lexcie (6:00 a.m.): Wake up! <makes human alarm noises>
Me: (6:00 a.m.): Five more minutes.
Lexcie: (6:04 a.m.): One more minute!
Me: (6:04 a.m.): Let me sleep until 6:05!
Lexcie: (6:05 a.m.): It’s 6:05!
Me: (6:05 a.m.): <no answer>
Lexcie: (6:06 a.m.): You’re one minute late! You said only five minutes!
Me: (6:06 a.m.): <clicks “Remind Me Later”>

At least I learned how to disable Adobe. However, Lexcie came without a user manual.

Revisiting Old Friends

Tuesday, September 4th, 2007

So, tomorrow is the first day of school. Not for me, of course, but the Wednesday after Labor Day always floods my memory. Sometimes it still feels strange not waking up at 6:30, throwing on my school uniform, packing my backpack, eating a breakfast of cinnamon raisin toast and waiting for a yellow school bus. Sometimes I’ll walk pass the book publisher in my office building and smell elementary school – a mixture of new textbooks, Crayolas and copier fluid. (more…)

WordPress Was Hungry

Tuesday, June 26th, 2007

… and ate the long post I just wrote. Roar.

Anways, life continues on its busy way, which is quite a good thing. Last weekend truly began the summer craziness. (more…)

Spreading Spiffiness

Wednesday, June 6th, 2007

As many of you know, my favorite word is spiffy. In fact, I use the word so often that one of the oncologists at Stony Brook Medical Center calls me “Her Royal Spiffiness.” Urban Dictionary defines spiffy the way I use it – to express general satisfaction.

However, it seems that a generational gap exists in its definition. Yesterday, a public relations guy asked me how I was doing, to which I replied, “Spiffy!” He said, “I didn’t ask you what you looked like, I asked you how you were doing. But I’m sure you look very nice today.” Lexcie ran into the same problem at work – he’s picked up on my usage, and a co-worker told him that he had perhaps confused the word’s meaning.

The p.r. guy and I then got into a discussion regarding slang, and I told him that, besides dapper, spiffy can also be used to general satisfaction. I told him if he ever needed to pick up on what the cool cats are saying, he has to use Urban Dictionary. He laughed and then told me about the “new” meaning of the word sketchy. When he was growing up, it meant “vague.” Only recently has his teenage son taught him that it could also mean “creepy.” (e.g. Tom Cruise, Steve Buscemi, Jeff Goldblum, many railfans and Ronald McDonald.)

So, spread the spiffy. It needs the well-deserved recognition of words like cool, phat and da bomb.

Deadlier Than Pop Rocks & Coke

Wednesday, April 6th, 2005

If you read this column and pass it on to at least 15 of your friends, your phone will ring at 7:00 p.m. and it will be the president of Banana Republic, offering you a free gift certificate to Applebee’s as a reward for your finding little abducted Penny Brown, who is suffering from a rare flesh-eating disease she contracted after cockroaches eggs she ate in an infested Taco Bell burrito hatched in her mouth.

You don’t believe me, huh? (more…)